Now for the Ig-Nobel prizes

You must have had enough of the Nobel Prizes. Now for something different.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ig_Nobel_Prize

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Ig_Nobel_Prize_winners

There is one instance of someone winning an Ig-Nobel as well as a Nobel Prize-for more details look at the frog illustrated in the top right of the first link. (Read up on Andre Geim): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andre_Geim

Go through the list of past winners. There are a few Indian names there. And many famous names like Dan Quayle,  Erich von Daniken and assorted financial fraudsters.

There is at lease one case of Indian scientists claiming to have received an Ig-Nobel Prize, although it does not seem to appear in the “official”  lists above. I am providing the link to give you an idea of what is required:

http://www.ildidu.altervista.org/ignobel/immagini/elephant.pdf

I can see how this would be useful in a place like Kerala. Any time you may be met by an elephant demanding to be painted blue or pink. Or gold, if it was from Thrissur. This way, you can quickly estimate how much paint is needed before the elephant gets impatient.

Probably many economists, politicians and other notables in present-day India have good chances of winning prizes in the near future.

One such award should go to the godman who claims he declined the Nobel Peace Prize. Anyone a little familiar with the workings of the awards will realize this is rubbish.

Analysis of camel jokes

As we have seen, elephant jokes are worthy of academic study.

https://abn397.wordpress.com/2019/04/22/analyzing-elephant-jokes/

Camel jokes are less complicated to explain. The animal’s unusual appearance (particularly its humps) are a ready butt of jokes.

We start with this elephant-and-camel joke:

elephant camel joke

These jokes were probably inspired by the US Vice-President Hubert Humphrey:

Humphrey the camel

Or this one inspired by the Bible:

camel needle saying

Those who follow the Beau Peep strip would remember Sopwith the camel. As German pilots of WW1 would testify, the Sopwith Camel was not a laughing matter:

Sopwith Camel.jpg

If you google for “camel jokes”, you would probably end up with variations of the story involving sex-starved soldiers and nomads doing things with camels. Steering clear of that, we look at the long involvement of camels with the tobacco industry.

One of the complaints involved the “Joe the Camel” advertisements which were said to induce children to start smoking:

http://childrenofthenineties.blogspot.com/2009/07/joe-camel.html

And, of course, it was not difficult to find phallic symbols in the ads like this:

JoeCamel

Then there was “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”.

The long association of camels with American cigarettes gave rise to this satirical piece:

 

The desert wilted under the blazing sun.

The camel looked down to see what he had done.

“To think”, he said, “this dirty mess

Will soon be smoked in State Express”

 

We close this with a genuine camel story, this time involving Winston Churchill when he was on the way up the political ladder:

Churchill camel 1

Churchill camel 2

 

 

 

 

Airline PJs

Airlines, like many other organizations, are often known by their initials. In some cases the original form may not be well known, as in QANTAS = Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services.

Here is a large collection of PJs based on the names and initials of airlines. Beware that many of these are quite bad, and also that many  refer to unknown and defunct airlines. I have added a few more below the link:

http://cargotracking.utopiax.org/jokes3.html

PIA (Please Inform Allah) is usually followed by AI (Allah Informed).

BOAC: Bend Over Again Christine (Google for Christine Keeler or Profumo scandal).

Pan Am, officially Pan American Airways: Pandemonium Scareways.

GARUDA (Indonesia): Good Airline Run Under Dutch Administration

And TWA has associated jokes like “Do you want TWA coffee or TWA tea?”, although not all their passengers would have been familiar with the American word here.

There are a few similar ones like these for railway companies.

 

Analyzing elephant jokes

Yes, academics have written lengthy analyses of dirty jokes and limericks. G Legman has written a number of books on these topics.

PJs and elephant jokes also deserve further study.

Have you ever wondered why there are so many elephant jokes, a small number of dog and cat jokes and hardly any jokes involving tigers and lions? Then there are phrases such as the “elephant in the room”.

See what Wikipedia has to say:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_joke

And there are elephant limericks, although this one does not depend on the elephant:

A young man in sunny Yuma

Told an elephant joke to a puma.

Now his skeleton lies

Under desert skies.

The puma had no sense of huma.

Another indirect elephant joke:

A small boy misreads a sign at the zoo which says “African elephant”. He tells his father, “Dad, I saw a frickin’ elephant.”

And there are off-colour elephant jokes, such as these:

elephant camel jokeElephant joke

Learn something new: the two-humped camel is known as the Bactrian camel. Some can be seen in Ladakh. Presumably their ancestors had got lost when the Central Asian caravans were passing through some centuries ago.

For the moment, you need to remember than the one-humped variety found in most of western India and West Asia should correctly be called a dromedary.

The camel has a distant cousin called the llama. It has been immortalized in puns, besides verses like these:

An one L lama is a priest,

A two L lama is a beast.

I bet my silk pajama

That you can’t find a 3 L lama.

One of the “model answers” is a trainee llama who wears a L plate.

Another one is a “three-alarmer”, the most serious fire notified to fire brigades in the US.

And finally, an elephant joke which is almost like a shaggy dog story.

In 1986, a young man named Peter Davies from Chicago was on holiday in Kenya after his college graduation. During a hike through the bush, he came upon a young bull elephant standing with his right front leg in the air. The elephant was in obvious distress, so Peter approached the elephant carefully for a better look. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant’s foot, and and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it….

As carefully as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which, the relieved giant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant looked down upon Peter with what seemed to be a curious expression… It stared at him for several tense moments. Peter knelt before this young giant frozen, thinking only of being trampled to death…. Eventually, the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away… Peter would never forget that encounter which would make a lasting impression on him for life….

Twenty years later, Peter was visiting the Chicago zoo with his young son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned toward them and began to approach Peter and his son. The large bull elephant looked down at Peter, lifted it’s right front foot off the ground. The elephant did this repeatedly while trumpeting loudly and staring at the pair. Recalling his incredible encounter in 1986, Peter could not help but wonder if it was possible that this was the same young bull he had encountered so many years before….

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed the railing into the enclosure, and walked right up to the bull elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted loudly, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter’s legs, and slammed him against the railing killing him instantly….. Probably WASN’T THE SAME fucking elephant….!

This is for all of those who send out those heart-warming bull shit stories on email…..

 

 

 

Food on rails

You may have already read about fruit on rails:

https://abn397.wordpress.com/2016/11/30/fruit-on-rails/

Today we explore some more station names associated with food. (This is mainly confined to Hindi and Bengali speaking areas, and there are probably other names which I have missed).

We start with food itself:

Khana

Muri (or murmura in Hindi):

Muri Jn

which rhymes with

Puri

Non-vegetarians would be interested in this:

Bheja

Other items of interest:

Machilipatnam

Non-vegetarians would also keep an eye on this:

Kala Bakra

A station once existed here on the Cutch State Railway:

tuna-kachchh

Cooking utensils are not neglected:

Tandur

 

A variety of sweet items:

The third one is Shakar Nagar, if you missed it.

Still more items of interest:

103878452

There was probably an Englishman named Currey, but we let that pass.

Some near misses: You should be able to get dhokla here as it is in Gujarat:

Dholka

(Dholka).

And you might get tuna here as it is near the coast:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And cinnamon (dalchini) here:

Kalchini

When a king ate a lot of rice, this place in Bengal was named

Rajabhat Khawa

Finally, you can proceed to this place

Bar

where you may find drinks sounding similar to

Mahua Milan

and

Margherita

Then this place in Bangladesh, not Goa:

Feni

We are not done yet. In Pakistan, you will see this place on the way up the Bolan Pass:

Mach (2)

I wonder if Bengalis going to Quetta were able to find fish at the station restaurant.

In Bangladesh itself, there used to be a station called Raita near the Hardinge Bridge.

http://www.maplandia.com/bangladesh/khulna-div/kushtia-zl/raita/

From Sri Lanka, we have the closest one for honey:

Madhu Road

(Thanks to Vimlesh Chandra for inspiration).

Fruits are left out here, but they are covered in the earlier post referenced at the start.

Zeros and signboards

First take a look at this sign in Kerala:

Nilambur

Not too clear why the place name (Nilambur) was not written in English. This relatively small place is served by this station:

Nilambur Road

This station has the code NIL. This is one of the numerous synonyms for zero or nothing. Some of them are:

http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/zero

This list of synonyms became popular at the time of the Delhi elections in 2015, while discussing the results of the Congress party. The BJP fared better with 3 seats, which made it an “Auto rickshaw party” as its MLAs would fit in one. In various parts of the country there are other auto rickshaw parties where the entire membership fits in one.

Some are not originally in English but have come into common use. Like Nada in Spanish.

Appropriately, there is another zero-themed place name in Kerala:

Nadapuram Road

And the railway across the Nullarbor Plain in Australia (the route of the famous Indian Pacific:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nullarbor_Plain#Railway_line

Then there is this place in Arunachal Pradesh:

Which is spelt both as Ziro and Zero. It has an airport which is supposed to have regular flights-at least, it did when Vayudoot was around:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Airport

Then there is Zero Road in Allahabad, which is perfectly logical:

https://www.quora.com/Why-is-Zero-Road-in-Allahabad-India-called-so-Is-it-because-of-the-IST

Zero Bridge in Srinagar also has a perfectly logical explanation:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Bridge

And of course there was actor Zero Mostel:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Mostel

Even Salman Rushdie got into the act with the Maharani of Kooch Nahin, which must have been inspired by this place

Cooch Behar

although it is now served by this larger station:

New Cooch Behar

Finally, there is Zero Point station on the Pakistani side of the border which is reached via Munabao: